These are things I firmly believed until about nine months ago.
All of that changed when I befriended Kara Loewentheil, a Certified Master Life Coach and dating guru.
Next time you go on a date, Kara advises you ask yourself, “So much of the conventional dating advice out there teaches us to play games, manipulate and not be ourselves in order to snare a partner,” Kara says. A partner who likes a fake version of you.”“This strategy only makes sense if you care more about getting a partner than you do about what kind of relationship you’re going to have with that person.” It’s an impetus that’s not conducive to intimacy, which she describes as “the whole point of a relationship.”What I love about Kara’s dating advice is that it focuses on what I can control.
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“I think romantic relationships are the perfect nexus of everything that holds us back in life: social conditioning, patriarchy, family patterns, our desires for human connection, our fears of rejection, and our stories about ourselves and our potential.”After taking a step back from my feelings, I realized that my dating-related anxieties — the stress of keeping someone interested, but seeming fun enough, all while maintaining enough distance to be alluring, for example — put my emotions in the hands of my date.